Vagabond Tales: Battle of the sexes

I'm not sure that it's an actual battle in Qatar - the lines are drawn, but everyone knows who the bosses are. Women still take quite the backseat in the Middle East, despite the high profile of women like Sheikha Mozah. A minority work outside the home, and most of those are in distinctly "female" work roles - customer service, teachers, and social service. Most women are married quite young, and usually not to men of their own choosing. Many marriages still take place between first cousins and most become mothers of between five and eight children, and the women take on the majority of child-rearing, household duties.

That's not to say they don't wear the pants within the family - I have seen many a man sitting in his car being berated by a gesticulating, high volume, abaya-clad lady next to him. Also, I am told, the clever ones set up a pre-marital contract stipulating line-by-line the parameters of the marriage: such as - There will only be one wife and, Our children will not marry first cousins. Interestingly, the rate of divorce is on the rise, but it is not easy to obtain. It definitely is not simply a matter of saying "I divorce you" three times. Couples have to have specific reasons for going that route - "she can't seem to produce an heir" being one of them, and adultery or abuse another, but the incompatibility line first needs go before a council, to be discussed and debated perhaps with the local imam, and then long-term counselling offered, tried and failed before resorting to a divorce. Children of the marriage will be placed in the custody of the father, never the mother.

So men still rule the proverbial roost - they can be seen in groups at coffee houses, internet cafes, and sheesha bars. They cruise the roads in droves in their fast and fancy cars. They spend long hours with their men friends, brothers, male cousins and their parents. Majilis outings feature heavily in a male Qatari's life - sitting in each others majilis' discussing goodness knows what - safe haven and forbidden territory to women.

Life is quite distinct and separate for the sexes. We have separate buildings for women's health, women's driver licences, and female only waiting rooms in dentist and doctor offices. Qatar University has separate lecture halls and segregated libraries divided by gender. Why, I am not sure - so that women aren't contaminated by mens presence or that men aren't tempted by the proximity of women - who knows? All I do know, is that there are very strict rules governing relationships and the cost of flouting those laws are dire. There will be a price exacted for associating too closely with members of the opposite sex, particularly for the single female.

It's still so 'olde worlde' in outlook - on one hand, so utterly male dominated and patriarchal, that women, by Western standards, could be defined as second-class citizens. On the other, there is a level of cossetting and cacooning that brings out the chivalrous knight in shining armour. We have special "Ladies Only" lines and queues at banks, post offices, and other government services. When I pay our bills at Kahramaa - the local electricity department, I don't have to wait long as I am beckoned to step forward ahead of all the men who got there before me and who wait patiently with their paper number for the next available teller. Unfortunately, it also brings out the pampered princess who expects to be waited on hand and foot at all times. The sense of entitlement, that as a female I deserve never to wait, always to sit, and have all my needs met immediately, is not always a pretty sight to see.