Inevitable Topics of Conversation in the Land of Sand.

You know those conversation pieces that crop up at get-togethers at the coffee station and the water cooler. In Canada they might cover weather, taxes, and hockey; in South Africa they would usually include rugby, sunny skies, and a touch of crime stats. Here in the land of sand subjects of choice are temperatures, driving, and ... well, driving.

So here is my contribution to the chat. First off, temperatures: 105F/41 degrees C is not! the recorded high, but rather an average low (very low) temperature in summer. You will be grateful for 32C in the fall. You will hardly remember the last rainfall you experienced, but you will rejoice in the pity drizzle that produces the 5mm annual rainfall statistic. You will always carry bottled water with you, no matter what the eco-pundits scream at you (except in Ramadan, when you will carry a big black bag as camouflage). Oh yes, and when you leave the compound you will have a cooler box of ice and water for your trip. You will not be surprised to see ladies, young and old, hoisting parasols in the blazing midday sun. Also, do not, under any circumstances, leave cd's, computers, food or flowers in your car for any length of time - they will perish. When potting new plants, do bring the bag of soil inside first so that it is cool enough not to bake the delicate roots of your baby plant. Do not swig that milk down - test it first - there were probably many hours that elapsed between the container dockside/cargo plane and the store refrigerator. Same goes for eggs - crack them carefully! Do not expect cold water to flow from the tap marked cold. To wash lettuce,please place ice cubes in the water or your leafy greens will surely wilt. On the plus side - you may never have to use the hot water tap and thereby save on electricity. On the negative side - you will buy a stand alone water cooler, you will watch your plants wither and die when you give them their daily dousing, and the pool will not be good for a refreshing dip, more like a hot tub without the jets. And just how decadent is four a/c units and a wall unit?? - but I use them all and ignore the electricity meters furious spinning. I really would love to be more eco-friendly, but I'm afraid I would just melt.

And finally driving - what more can I say! Watch it, watch it - be very, very careful. The powers that be are trying to clean up the mess out there by changing behaviour. The radar guns are on just about every dual carriageway. There are also cameras at most intersections. Not too many traffic police though - they are mostly deployed to round-abouts trying to shove traffic through bottlenecks. The fines are hefty - $2000 US for running a red light, $150 Canadian for parking illegally, and anything in between depending on your speed (normally legal between 80 and 120km), and do not flip the bird - that will cost you $1000 US! MVA's are particularly nasty - no collision repair without a police report and depending on the nationality involved in your melee, the cost may be all yours. Each time you get into the drivers seat, please expect to have to avoid at least a half dozen accidents along the way. There is no good wishing you will get off scot free - accidents are consistently inevitable. Just make sure your insurance is paid up. The most innovative concept we have come across here - car registration is linked to drivers licences, which are linked to id numbers, and linked again to passports - don't bother trying to go home without paying your fines - they will stop you boarding that aircraft until all fines are paid up (and just so you know, there is no kiosk at the airport). The good thing about this - you can check online a couple of days before your flight to see if there are any infractions on your record and hop down there to pay same.

Still on driving, but talking more about maps, signs, etc - the city is changing so fast that even steadfastly gluing your eyes to a map and whipping out succint directions to the driver, may not be sufficient - there are always extra round-abouts, traffic intersections and new roads that are nowhere to be seen on any "up-to-date" map. Streets go unnamed and street numbers are nonexistent, even villa compounds are no-name. Directions to your home are accomplished with much descriptive narrative: "Pass the BMW dealer, turn right at the Television R/A, go left at the big Lusail sign, do a u-turn at the gas station and when you are across from DQ, look out for the line of trucks on the side of the road, and then....". So apart from being in a dodgems derby, you can also feel like you are particpating in the Dakar motor rally. In addition, you will climb in a taxi and the driver will ask you for directions. You will provide first-timers to your home with a fully descriptive map, along with your cell phone number, and you will expect a frantic call starting with "Where are we??!!" or sobs accompanied by "I really, really can't find it!" Calling for home delivery is an exercise in patience, with the added bonus of not understanding one another and resorting to pidgin' English. Oh and one other thing - there is no peak hour traffic - the roads are constantly jam-packed and roaring to go no matter what the hour - which means that even the 30 km trek to the office takes one hour and thirty minutes of teeth gritting and white knuckling.

Ah well, the joys of ..... I feel better now - hope you do too!